This has been on my heart for a while, and I’ve debated sharing it on social media… But what is social media good for, if not for public sharing of things important to you.
It’s unfortunate as a society that we’ve allowed the “women are catty creatures” be such a popular theme. It doesn’t matter who says it, but typically as women we confirm it by saying “yeah women are the Worst!” because our life experiences have proven to be filled with women who are more likely to bring us down than to pick us up. I will be the first to admit my reaction falls in line with that. It’s been an automatic response. Instead of ever thinking, “geez, I’m in that general woman category– I would like to change society’s perspective on it”, I instead agree and provide examples of how I’ve been hurt over the years by other women.
I’ve tried hard over the past two years especially, though, to be genuine and intentional in my uplifting of other women. Even if I knew someone and I didn’t get along for various surface reasons, I would still truly celebrate every joyous moment they had in their life such as finding out they’re pregnant or receiving a promotion. Because life as a woman is hard- and as women who understand that, we should be the first ones in line to encourage one another. It’s a hard pill to swallow, though, when you just hugged someone to celebrate their momentous accomplishment but yet discover it doesn’t take long for them to care less about your joy and immediately find reasons to talk negatively about you. Sometimes it can feel defeating and I keep wondering why women befriending women is so difficult. Or why we choose to bond/fit in with each other by bashing or casting out another woman and it doesn’t take long for one to unfriend another.
Here I am confirming that the view on women that I mentioned above has unfortunately held true in my life and I have admittedly fed into it as well. So here’s my public declaration of my attempt to change my role in supporting it. I no longer want to agree anytime I hear that statement. Instead I will choose to emphasize the women who are changing that view. And even if I’m not friends with a woman, I want to continue to celebrate her accomplishments in life rather than let envy or insecurity (let’s face it- ultimately the root cause of why we don’t support each other the majority of the time) stand in my way.
What has propelled me to write this is just by being so moved over the past few months in particular by some of the relationships I have developed with such amazing women. I’ve had some big things go on in my life and there’s an obvious group that “get it” and “get me”. I feel so deeply grateful to know I am surrounded by women who will always choose to celebrate my victories, to cry with me during my losses, to speak truth, to choose to tell people about my strengths rather than bash my weaknesses, will quell rumors about me and literally have my back no matter what. And I am in turn, fiercely protective of them. Some may not even be the closest of friends (yet), but there’s already that underlying tone of our friendship. These are women that I can 100% be myself with (vulnerabilities and all) and never once have to wonder if they are going to talk badly about me or discard who I am.
I’ve never had a group or clique. It’s always been just women friends here and there. And I love that. I love that my friends are a random assortment from all areas and experiences throughout my life. They keep me well rounded, in check and on my toes.
I am hoping if I have a daughter someday, she will be able to see the relationships I have with my women friends and see women as being that wonderful- and not have the other perspective that so many of us have today. And I’m hoping by then, I won’t have to fight to keep that perspective in check but that it will instead turn into a true belief that women always support, respect, encourage and uplift one another.
I don’t have to tag all the women who fall into the amazing friendships I mentioned. You know who you are- whether old friend, new friend or currently in the works friend. Just know I’m so deeply grateful for you in my life and admire the woman you’ve chosen to be. I feel so incredibly blessed by your friendship and what I learn from you every single day! And apparently especially today as I’m finally writing what I’ve wanted to say for months.
For another woman who may be reading this, I’d love to partner on the same mission by committing to celebrate each other, by being intentional and true with the words spoken to one another, and by refusing to add fuel to any fires that are started out of maliciousness or jealousy- rather instead, be the extinguisher to protect you and that protects the idea of women and who we truly are and have the capability of being.
Because we are simply incredible and we accomplish amazing things- and that’s worth celebrating together every day.